I've been drinking Maker's Mark and cheap cab sauv all night. So I'm feeling verbose. Joe's asleep on the couch and I'm so over explaining my whereabouts to an imagined audience of people who know me. There's no Portugal anymore. My peak as a blogger was before the days of the word, and I need to let go of the delusions of grandeur.
...well, I'm not sure how that got there, but on to the meat.
Words I love. In this state. Breathe it in.
"He wondered whether home was a thing that happened to a place after a while, or if it was something you found in the end, if you simply walked and waited and willed it long enough." - Neil Gaiman, American Gods
"But some people can't tell you where it hurts. They can't calm down. They can't ever stop howling." - Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin
"No more photos. Surely there are enough. No more shadows of myself thrown by light onto pieces of paper, onto squares of plastic. No more of my eyes, mouths, noses, moods, bad angles. No more yawns, teeth, wrinkles. I suffer from my own multiplicity. Two or three images would have been enough, or four, or five. That would have allowed for a firm idea: This is she. As it is, I'm watery, I ripple, from moment to moment I dissolve into my other selves. Turn the page: you, looking, are newly confused. You know me too well to know me. Or not too well: too much." - Margaret Atwood, The Tent
"No matter how careful you are, there's going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn't experience it all. There's that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should've been paying attention.
Well, get used to that feeling. That's how your whole life will feel some day. " - Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters
"Alone. Yes, that's the key word, the most awful word in the English tongue. Murder doesn't hold a candle to it and hell is only a poor synonym." - Stephen King
"God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time" - Neil Gaiman, Good Omens
"When we hold each other, in the darkness, it doesn't make the darkness go away. The bad things are still out there. The nightmares still walking. When we hold each other we feel not safe, but better. "It's all right" we whisper, "I'm here, I love you." and we lie: "I'll never leave you." - Neil Gaiman
"Love blurs your vision; but after it recedes, you can see more clearly than ever. It's like the tide going out, revealing whatever's been thrown away and sunk: broken bottles, old gloves, rusting pop cans, nibbled fishbodies, bones. This is the kind of thing you see if you sit in the darkness with open eyes, not knowing the future. The ruin you've made." - Margaret Atwood, Cat's Eye
... my brain hurts. That took some thinking. I didn't fact check, so some of the specific words might be fucked. But the sentiment is totally there.
Nobody talk to me. Nobody human has anything to say to me today.
