Because I am a masochist? No, not exactly. Because I need something to focus on that will assuredly consume most of my idle thoughts. Yes. That sounds about right. And I need something I can accomplish – some kind of a testament to the strength of will I know that I have, somewhere, underneath all the murky dissonance and apathy that has become my current modus vivendi. What I’m saying is, something needs to happen, and my schedule is too stupid to commit to any more activities that require time and/or money. So I need to shake shit up where I can; where there’s room.
- Little to no processed food (like, I’m not baking bread, okay? I will buy 100% whole wheat and consider it a win. But no more canned soup, Hot Pockets, Coke Zero, and shit like that)
- No processed sugars or foods with added sugar (natural sugar, i.e. the kind in fruit and dairy, are okay)
- Artificial sweeteners limited to one serving per day (I can’t drink unsweetened coffee. I CAN’T, you guys. I would rather just not drink coffee and switch to black tea with honey for a caffeine fix)
- No hard liquor … beer & wine in serious moderation, no more than 2 servings in one sitting. I’m going to try and go for less than 2 servings a week, but let’s not get ridiculous
- Couch to 5K will see a proper kick off, and let’s just forget about the half-ass attempts I’ve made previously. This is wrapped in a more general commitment to get to the goddamn gym at least 4 times a week. It’s a good gym! It’s costing me $30 a month! WHY DO I NOT GO. Ah, because I’m lazy and would rather watch The Food Network. Right.
This isn’t, like, an “omfg I’m fat and need to lose weight” type of deal. I have been there before and that sort of terror motivation doesn’t particularly do it for me. Honestly I have just been feeling like total shit for a while, and I’m done with it. I know that all of the above will grossly improve my general disposition – psychical and mental. I do not want to be a moody, tired, achy bitch anymore. It’s no fun for me or anyone who has to deal with me on a regular basis. So while a detox is omg haaaaaaard whine … it’s a start.
Oh, and I’m filling my Chantix prescription. I’m not super thrilled about this part, because man did that shit mess with me the last time, but I think I’m over smoking. I’m definitely over the cost of it, and the desperation behind the mere concept of running out of cigarettes, and the heaviness in my chest and the coughing fits that seem to be happening just a tiny bit more frequently than they did a year ago. I’m not gung ho. No. Maybe it will be my downfall. But I’m going to try to quit, and I’m promising myself right now that if I fail, I will NOT fucking beat myself up over it.
No more guilt. For serious. The fucking Roman Catholics will not control my goddamn life anymore.
To keep my shit on track, I’m going to attempt to check in here regularly. I do not promise it will be witty, engaging, or at all interesting. It may just be pictures of my breakfast. Seriously. Keep your expectations low, is what I’m saying here.
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