On the decline

This is a Lean Cuisine “lobster cheese ravioli”* lunch entrée. I’m not proud that I’m eating this, but like, let’s not talk about it.  

I seriously just had a minor panic attack because I couldn’t remember whether the tray was that shape before I put it in the microwave, or this item was so defective that it warped and if I ate it I would immediately get 100 tumors, actually I probably have started growing them just by looking at it and oh my god I don’t want to die because of a fucking Lean Cuisine. This panic was not helped by the fact that the goddamn thing screeched the whole time it was in the microwave; screeched like something that was being burned alive, and I know it’s just steam escaping but christ can’t we do something about that?

I checked the box in the trash for evidence of “stupid shape” or “radiation poisoning” and decided I’m probably fine. The box looked pretty stupid too.

I’m just saying. It doesn’t take much to start the spiral of paralyzing anxiety.

* Quotations because, let’s just agree that any Lean Cuisine meal with a red sauce tastes & looks exactly the same**, no matter what you call it. It will always be watered down, it will always have some kind of squash in it, and it will always need a metric fuckton of salt while maintaining a mind-blowing 4,000 mg of sodium. I don’t know how it’s possible.

** And that taste is ‘desperation’