On ... these are the front lines, folks.

[phone rings at work, which I dutifully answer]


Slightly Drugged Sounding 9 Year Old: Hey ... um ... I need a copy of an invoice?
Me: OK. This isn't accounting, but I can probably help. What's your order number?
SDS9YO: Order number?
Me: Yes. Like a purchase order number?
SDS9YO: .... I dunno.
Me: ...alright. Is this a GSA inquiry?
SDS9YO: ....
Me: The government. Are you calling from the government.
SDS9YO: Oh. No.
Me: What company are you calling from?
SDS9YO: The Navy.
Me: .... as in, the United States Navy.
SDS9YO: ... yes?
Me: .....
SDS9YO: .....
Me: ..... please hold.


(proceeds to slam face into desk 834 times)