At the urging of friends & countrymen -- and because there's only so much why-t-f haven't you been to the smorgasbord yet I can take -- I went to Shady Maple in glorious Lancaster County on Saturday night. For the uninitiated, Shady Maple this crazy exercise in gastronomical excess brought to us by the Lord's own Mennonites (consider them Amish lite.) It is larger than your high school gymnasium by half, seats twelve hundred (1,200) people and on your average meal serves 80-90 different kinds of food. That's eighty to ninety. Admittedly, I was pretty psyched. I'm a fan of food in general, but of red meat in particular, and it was prime rib night, man. Prime rib! Hard to go wrong.
And somehow? Despite all that awesomeness? It kind of sucked. It's probably me, yeah? Like, I get that. I'm by no means a food snob, but if I'm going to drive upwards of 45 minutes and pay $20 for a meal, it better be something slightly better than instant mashed potatoes and/or macaroni & cheese. The prime rib was available in two choices: mooing and on fire. There was no in between. It was a crime against beef. I also dared to try the salmon, which was overcooked in addition to being a very long time away from the sea. I think I just need to accept the fact that I hate buffets and can't understand why I keep going to them and expecting to be surprised.
On a positive note, the gift shop was pretty amazing -- rows and rows of John Deere paraphernalia, creepy Amish baby dolls, and Jesus t-shirts. Of course I bought a Jesus t-shirt; nuclear orange with a mock up of a Monopoly Get Out Of Jail Fee card, only replace "Jail" with "Hell" and insert some psalm or another beneath it. I'm sure I could use all the help I can get.
So, go to Shady Maple if you value quantity over quality. The breads and desserts were pretty good, comparatively. I'm told there's an impressive flower wholesaler next door, but it was like 4 degrees on Saturday and I was in no mood to go exploring.
Karma paid me back on Sunday, during which I spent 4 hours elbows deep in red meat. My group grilled like 90 steaks and an entire Chateaubriand. Thanks, Karma.
And somehow? Despite all that awesomeness? It kind of sucked. It's probably me, yeah? Like, I get that. I'm by no means a food snob, but if I'm going to drive upwards of 45 minutes and pay $20 for a meal, it better be something slightly better than instant mashed potatoes and/or macaroni & cheese. The prime rib was available in two choices: mooing and on fire. There was no in between. It was a crime against beef. I also dared to try the salmon, which was overcooked in addition to being a very long time away from the sea. I think I just need to accept the fact that I hate buffets and can't understand why I keep going to them and expecting to be surprised.
On a positive note, the gift shop was pretty amazing -- rows and rows of John Deere paraphernalia, creepy Amish baby dolls, and Jesus t-shirts. Of course I bought a Jesus t-shirt; nuclear orange with a mock up of a Monopoly Get Out Of Jail Fee card, only replace "Jail" with "Hell" and insert some psalm or another beneath it. I'm sure I could use all the help I can get.
So, go to Shady Maple if you value quantity over quality. The breads and desserts were pretty good, comparatively. I'm told there's an impressive flower wholesaler next door, but it was like 4 degrees on Saturday and I was in no mood to go exploring.
Karma paid me back on Sunday, during which I spent 4 hours elbows deep in red meat. My group grilled like 90 steaks and an entire Chateaubriand. Thanks, Karma.
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