On IDGAF

Is there a word for people who drop seemingly "[s] random!/interesting!/weird! [/s]" sentences out loud, in a communal space, with or without a previously occurring unrelated conversation, with the sole purpose of getting you to ask them what they are talking about, so they can regale you with some endless stupid fucking story that you care SO LITTLE about that if you cared less, your eyes would melt back into your skull and your spine would slide lazily out of your asshole?

SCENE:
I am in my office kitchen, making a cup of coffee. A coworker walks in.

Me: Hey.
Her: Wow. Coffee at this time of day!
Me: …yup.

I have been working with this person for EIGHT FUCKING YEARS, and she is deeply familiar with my coffee consumption habits, (1), and (2) is well aware that I work a late afternoon/night shift, so “this time of day” is pretty irrelevant to me as a whole – these two things combined just scream, to me, that she is desperately floundering for whatever weak fucking segue she could find to start talking about herself and her bullshit

She begins aggressively making tea, I am assuming she wants me to comment on this by the sheer level of effort she is dedicating to this otherwise mundane exercise, but nope, I’m not taking the bait because I see right through this shit.

Her: I need to watch my caffeine intake.

Me: Mhm. [she wants me to ask why, I will fucking not]

Her: Yeah, I should probably go to a doctor.

Me: OK. [I am actively backing out of the kitchen and so irritated that I am choking on my own disdain, and she is barreling on regardless because she WILL make herself heard despite me exhibiting every polite social cue on earth that I not interested in a fucking chat right now]. See ya.

Her: Yeah, I have really high blood pressure.

I’m sighing now. I’m resigned. She obviously is not going to let me politely escape this fucking conversation. I make the fatal mistake. I say … “Oh yeah?” Cue the record scratch, cue the gathering darkness, cue me watching the last glimmer of freedom as it flies highfuck out that glorious window. Finally, FINALLY, she has been engaged, and she clutches on to that meager two word missive as if it were her very sustenance, and she suckles from that fucking teat like there would be no water again.

She spends the next 10 minutes just …. talking. About blood pressure. And her doctors. About Nyarlatohep and the old ones for all I fucking know. I was so completely checked out that I remember nothing but red. You may be saying to yourself, man, D, 10 minutes is a breeze, and I’d be saying back, fuck you, you know nothing. A ten minute conversation in an office kitchen at 3 in the afternoon is an eternity. It is infinite. It is time without walls, without reason, without love or pain. Alcoholics and lunatics have been born out of so much less.

So I’m saying, is there a word for this?

Because fuck those people.